Unraveling the Interplay Between Emotional Loss and Physical Exhaustion
Grief can deeply affect your physical and mental well-being, and one crushing effect of intense personal loss is extreme fatigue. No matter how long ago you lost your beloved partner, you may find yourself not only emotionally drained but also physically exhausted, struggling to perform even the most basic daily tasks.
What Does Grief-Induced Fatigue Look and Feel Like?
Grief-induced fatigue can show up in various ways. It often feels like an overwhelming sense of tiredness that isn’t alleviated by rest or sleep. You may experience a persistent sense of heaviness in your body, feel unable to concentrate, and have no energy or interest in participating in activities that were previously enjoyable.
When my husband died, I was unable to get out of bed in the morning, feeling physically weighed down. Though I had plenty of sleepless nights early on, I ultimately experienced the opposite situation in just a few short weeks following his death. I slept through most nights (sometimes 10 or 12 hours!), simply because I was no longer filled with anguish about him dying; no longer keeping one eye open all night, ready to come to his aid as he suffered through cancer and the horrible side effects of treatment. Still, regardless of whether I slept or not the night before, I had zero energy the next day. Simple activities like cooking a meal or taking a walk seemed insurmountable. You may find it difficult to focus on work, your mind continually drifting back to your loss.
These feelings of exhaustion and lethargy are classic signs of grief-induced fatigue for those who are widowed.
Why Does This Happen?
The connection between grief and fatigue is rooted in both psychological and physiological responses to loss. Grief is a stressor that triggers the body’s fight-or-flight response. This response leads to the release of stress hormones such as cortisol and adrenaline, which can disrupt normal bodily functions, including sleep patterns and energy levels. It can also whack your health if left unaddressed for a long time.
The emotional toll of grief can also lead to changes in appetite, which is critical for maintaining energy. Whether it’s not eating enough – or at all – or making less than ideal food choices, your body isn’t getting the fuel it needs to generate energy. Additionally, the constant emotional turmoil and mental processing involved in grieving can deplete one’s cognitive resources, leading to physical exhaustion.
What Does the Research Say?
Research on grief and fatigue has shown that there are several interconnected biological, social, and emotional factors at play. On a biological level, the elevated levels of stress hormones mentioned earlier can have a significant impact on the body’s ability to regulate sleep and energy. These hormones can also affect immune function, potentially leading to a greater susceptibility to illness and further compounding feelings of fatigue.
Socially, grief can lead to isolation and withdrawal from social activities, which are essential for emotional support and well-being. Widowhood can disrupt one’s social network, leading to feelings of loneliness and additional stress. This lack of social interaction can exacerbate feelings of fatigue, as social support is crucial for coping with grief.
Emotionally, the process of grieving involves a wide range of intense emotions, including sadness, anger, guilt, yearning, and despair. The continuous processing of these emotions can be mentally draining, leaving little energy for other aspects of life. Additionally, unresolved grief or prolonged mourning can lead to conditions such as depression, which is closely linked to chronic fatigue.
Can Grief-Induced Fatigue Be Prevented?
While it may not be entirely possible to prevent grief-induced fatigue, there are strategies for widows that can help mitigate its impact. One key approach is to establish a routine, which can provide a sense of normalcy and stability, and can be comforting during times of loss. Yes, I know this is easier said than done. But something as simple as making a habit of 10 minutes of stretching upon waking or making a quick smoothie for breakfast each morning is a start. Once you get one simple routine in place, you can add another, such as journaling at 4 pm every day. It’s all about taking baby steps most days. And if you can’t muster the energy or interest in tackling your habit one day? That’s OK, too. Give yourself a break and try again the next day.
Seeking social support is another crucial factor. Engaging with friends, family, or support groups can provide emotional comfort and reduce feelings of isolation. If you don’t have a strong personal network, consider grief support groups in your area, or even social media support groups for those who are widowed. Many find these groups more of a comfort than friends and family simply because communicating about your feelings and experiences without judgement, with others who are in your shoes, can help lighten the emotional burden, making it easier to cope with fatigue.
Professional help from therapists or grief counselors can be invaluable. These professionals can provide coping strategies, tools for managing stress, and a safe space to express emotions. In some cases, medication may be recommended to help manage symptoms such as insomnia or depression.
Can Grief-Induced Fatigue Be Resolved?
Resolving grief-induced fatigue involves addressing both the emotional and physical aspects of grief. From an emotional standpoint, it is important to allow oneself to fully experience and process your feelings associated with loss. This may involve talking about your person, reminiscing about positive memories, and finding ways to honor their memory. Or it can be as simple as just crawling under a blanket on the couch, allowing the waves to move through you until the tears stop. Yes, giving yourself permission to feel anger, pain, and all the other misery you may be experiencing is part of the healing process. Stuffing it down or trying to “be strong” will only cause those feelings to surface later and may backfire. Anyone who tells you otherwise is misguided.
Engaging in activities that bring joy and relaxation can also help replenish energy levels. This might include hobbies, spending time in nature, or practicing mindfulness and meditation. These activities can provide a temporary respite from the emotional weight of grief and help restore a sense of balance. I have found myself fascinated by the migratory ducks that winter here in Southern California. Watching them flipping around in the water to bathe and admiring their beautiful feathers through my binoculars helps me to feel a deeper connection with the universe and brings a smile (and often a tear) to my face. In those moments – as fleeting as they are – I can forget that I’m a widow and the crushing pain in my soul dissipates. How I live for those moments!
Physically, maintaining a healthy lifestyle is essential. Regular exercise, even if it’s just a short walk, can boost energy levels and improve mood. Proper nutrition and hydration are also important, as they provide the necessary fuel for the body to function optimally. Again, it is easier said than done. I’ll be writing a lot about this topic in other blogs, so I won’t go into that here. Be sure to look for more information on my blog on topics related to nutrition and fitness.
Sleep hygiene is another critical factor. Establishing a regular sleep routine, creating a comfortable sleep environment, taking a warm bath with a few drops of lavender oil or 1-2 cups of Epsom salts, and avoiding stimulants such as caffeine before bedtime can help improve sleep quality. If sleep issues persist, it may be beneficial to seek help from a healthcare professional.
The journey through grief is deeply personal and unique to each widowed soul. It is possible to find a path toward renewed energy. Give yourself time and be kind to yourself as you navigate your way forward.